Rant[WARNING DISCRETION ADVISED]

[fallonann]

WARNING; THESE ARE MY INNER PERSONAL THOUGHTS THAT I JUST HAD TO RELEASE. VIEWERS ARE ADVISED TO THINK BEFORE CONTINUING ON. THIS IS PERSONAL, AND NOTHING MORE. ITS MY FINAL WARNING. BE CAREFUL.

• Tech (Set Design) & Homework
  

  -Yeah so I help design, build, and paint sets for Drama. This past week Ive gotten barely anything done and only managed to build a flat and a half of a flat. I feel utterly stressed because we have to have it all done before December and I won't possibley be able to get my share done with the pace I'm going at. I have to double check how sturdy surfaces are because if theyre not stable they'll break, and the actors/actresses will fall right through them. I do this for about three hours everday after school, sometimes on saturdays from 9 am to whenever he wants to end it which is usually between the hours of 12 to 3pm. It sucks, and I never have anytime to do homework because I have Honors English, Honors Spanish II, Biology, Algebra II homework everyday as well as having to practice my flute for an hour. This takes hours upon hours to complete. I feel like I'm not getting very far in life, whatsoever.

  
  
• Marching Band
  

  - Yup I'm in Marching band. I do half time shows, i march in multiple parades, I go on trips to places to play, the works you know? I just had a half time show tonight, in a few words, It absolutely sucked. A lot of it went wrong, although I had a bit of fun with my Friend Nick. Plus I got harrassed about wearing my PJs under my uniform.

  
  
• Projects & Homework
  

  - Actually, the projects are due Tuesday. One assignment is to completely read the book "Night" and complete a thick packet of work all before Tuesday and it has to be on time. Thank you Honors English for Just assigning this to me TODAY. I shall be super busy now. Also, I have to research about the disease Shingles, and devise a nicely done folder with all the needed requirements, and it has to be bright, colorful, and fun. That sucks. It takes a lot of work to do everything it requires. It sucks, I don't think I can do it.

  
  
• My Ex-Bestfriend
  

  - I just found out that all along during the time I still had a major crush on this guy I've loved since the third grade, she's been fooling around with him. She's supported me all throughout me loving him, and one night I went over my childhood friend Adam's house to watch a movie with him, her, Adam, Adam's Brother, and Adam's Brother's friend. We blew up an air mattress and I layed on it with my friend in the middle and my crush on the other side of my friend. She was saying to switch with her etc, but I refused to. He'd know I liked him, believe me he would. After the movie we talked when we got back to my house (My childhood friend lives a few streets over!) and she kept saying how much he stared at me and how he deffinately liked me, etc. Come to find out, all throughout the movie my at the time crush/love was f***ing fingering her. She's such a B*tch. He confessed it to me today in class.

  
  
• My Childhood Friend
  

  - So I just found out from my ex-crush today as well that one day he was over my childhood friends house in August during the summer. he was there with him, at the time my secret boyfriend (because he was younger than me) and my childhood friend's brother. Apparently my childhood friend thought that I was ignoring him. He texted me, and had my secret boyfriend text me. I responded to my then boyfriend, because I got his text. I never got my friend's text who supposedly repeatedly sent them. SO they spent half the summer shit talking me. Awesome right?

  
  
• My Dad
  

  - So I'm pretty sure he thinks Im anorexic because lately he's yelled at me for noticing how little food I take and demands I get more. If he makes my plate for whatever eating period it is he puts a lot of food on it and gets aggravated if I dont eat it all. My father has extreme anger management issues. The only reason I eat so little is because I'm used to not eating. I usually dont eat breakfest, and barely by lunch at school because last year I got food poisoning from it. So when I get home from what I do after school I eat a few snacks to quench a low hunger and just drink plenty of fluids. Then I take small plates of food at dinner because usually my mom doesn't cook a lot and we're a family of six. I like it when my family eats before me because then I know how much I can take. But my dad says not to worry about that and just eat. But he has a new take on why I eat so little. I assure everyone I am not anorexic, I'm not in denial, I'm 122 pounds and I'm 5'2". This is the most I've ever weighed because I have an extremely low immune system. But my dad is getting a little annoying although I know he's doing it out of love and he's just worried.

  
  
• First Chair in Band
  

  - Well i'm first chair in band, I play the flute. The second chair is my friend Nick who was previously talked about. He's better than me and wants to challenge me for my seat. He wants my solos in the December and Spring concerts. If he challenges me I know I'll lose. It sucks. This is all I've ever wanted, to be first chair, to finally be good, the best. But I'm not. I'm a failure.

  
  
• Anthony
  

  - I've been talking to this guy, and the moment I really met him it instantly clicked. He's the sweet, nice, funny, and cool. I kinda like him although I need to get to know him better. But for every night I've known him i've dreamt about him. Yeah I know, creepy much? I loved those dreams and they made me like him more. He's always telling me how cute I am, how he'd love to know me better, etc. Nice sweet things. Well today it was facebook official that he now has a girlfriend. Great. I guess he didn't like me as much as he said he did. Plus He lives in my neighborhood, he's the new kid. I hang out with him and my two other semi friends constantly. My semi friend embarresses me infront of him just to make him pay attention to her and make me feel like a fool. (Mostly makes fun of my body parts and looks, brings me down constantly) I have no clue how I'm going to control my feelings now.

  
  
• Sleep
  

  - I haven't slept right in weeks. It sucks, and it's all thanks to school. I always sleep the weekend away. I constantly survive on four hours of sleep thanks to insomia that has never seemed to go away. So I'm constantly exhausted, irritated, and weak. It's tiring, literally.

  
  
• Sports
  

  - Sports are starting again, and welcome stress. Sundays I have field hockey bright and early in the morning, Saturdays I have Softball bright and early in the morning in Rhode Island. WONDERFUL. It's my fault but the joys of insomia, this shall take a freaking toll on me. Plus my ankle is still freaking hurt.

  
  
• Physical Therapy
  

  - I'm now starting Physical Therapy to strengthen up my ankles or else I won't be able to play sports anymore. It should be a painful process to recover my strength in my ankles, it may be awful but I'm sure it'll be worth it. I hope. I don't particularly look freaking forward to going to it. It's at 6pm to whenever on mondays, wednesdays, and sometimes tuesdays. I shall never get enough sleep due to my never ending supply of homework. Plus I'll be in more pain all the time.

  
  
• Conformation
  

  - So I make my conformation after these final CCD classes. I am not explaining what CCD is, google it. Anyways I have to have atleast 10-15 hours of community service done with my church in order to have the possibility of making my conformation. Then another 10 hours outside of the church activities. It sucks, I have no time to do any of this community service because I'm constantly busy or sleeping. I have it over the next few weeks including November 7th, 2011. It sucks, I'll have to get up at 9 am. Bye bye Sleep. Hello Torture.

  
  
• Friends
  

  - I have no clue why but no one wants to be my friend anymore. They all freaking keep leaving me and I'm doing absolutely nothing to them. I've never felt more alone than now at school.